Now like sarah connor, i use my bedroom furniture to get stronger. While others are drinking on this long wkend. Im doing sit ups in my mental bed. :) my mums name was o'conor.

By some freak occurrence i got out of my mental patient bed at home and ended up with 6 other people in a park in landsdale with a guy channelling an energy from the 4th dimension. I never find freaks who do stuff like. It made me understand that i am not that strange. Others are in on the light. I didnt understand why the channel didnt understand the 7 solar systems. Then i said, well nobody really knows what i know. 2years u motherfuckas! Do your time :) should i tell anybody. Na, they think im crazy.

Was it brad pitt that said in the past 48 hours, ive been shot at, stabbed.. Ha ha. Im going to do my own holding my invisible glok which turns into an invisible cigarette. :) i think im ok again. Ive done it. Ive walked.

I am now no longer a white angel of the golden light. I am a bluelight angel that has to sit and be stern with the new spot. God has to wear a real hard hat and to see thru the suffering and pain is an immense journey for he. I was gold for about 2yrs and now im light. My golden years are over. Wonder what i get with a blue light. I got concerto 5 as my final piece from love light. Its soffli. It will be played by a master.

Or too shocking for the public to add a miscarriage of a 7 day old foetus to my week. You wouldnt believe it would you. Somehow i knew last sunday that the delivery of light to earth was massive. But I destroyed the light boy by attempted suicide and a gut full of temazapam. Do i look at it as a positive or negative. Its a cruel world. And i do nothing at all wrong to anybody or anything. Im much better than i was at 9am. Ive accepted another hit to my head. I am showing how hard i am and why im giving up.

The only way for me to get happy is to drive my car as im not having to be at any one place or be with anybody who wants to talk about it. Its like a travelling treatment chamber. My nature is to abide by sunday sesh law and go on a long wkend with tarli, but i will get attacks of torettes at dumb cockheads. :) And anyway i love only one man on this earth. i decided after I laughed hard today over the time of late nights at SkM and Evermore. Its tragic Funny love.. And is what i need.

My memory of b4 the rape is coming back. He gave me a green drink which i dont remember even sipping. Is there a new date rape drug out that u just smell and go down. Its so fucked as i will work it all out and will give the answers to only those who read my blog as i cant even be bothered trying to face liars who will continue to destroy my life by trying to convince me they r sorry. They feel nothing so whats the point

I am broken. Im trying hard to design a new heart, head and hope for me. But ive had it. Im not good. Took me 3 yrs to get my head to a state that is not sad and strong. My head is destroyed. I dont want to do anything but sleep. Id say im having a breakdown but i just dont show it. And the doc said that. Do i go to the doc, or the police or do i just melt like i have been. I need a hand to hold my head up. But i just want to be alone. Im void.

Im going to get superfit again and learn kickboxing önce im fit again. I went to the gym to find out abov a membership. Im going to join .

Where is Dave Bear? Does he have my ruby ring? I loved dave bears face. I said to him 'you are cute. I-LIKE-YOU.' and he closed his eyes like he was in pain again and said 'i have to get your number'. But that was too hard. What a funny bear. He called me his girlfriend. I loved his face. Dave bear. Where are you? Come home. Im thinkin.

My mind is messed. In bed 4 days. Im still not dressed. I try to sleep, my dreams disturb, my mind is racecar that cant take the kerb. And then it stops and i sleep in peace until the next time, help me please. Why did i reck my head even more than before? Im crying inside a heart held door. Pray for foregiveness. Im a suicide soul. Trying to get out of this hole.

I wrote a poem. Its not funny. So dont laugh.

I AM BOMB
YOU ARE BOMB
WE BOMB
BOMB!

Im going to go to a poem reading group and reat it in a theatrical type way.

I want a Hamish and Andy Bear. But i want them to post me one and spray it with their aftershave and im looking for an evan bear. He has a back pack on and he treks far and wide.

I want a Hamish and Andy Bear. But i want them to post me one and spray it with their aftershave and im looking for an evan bear. He has a back pack on and he treks far and wide.

I want a Hamish and Andy Bear. But i want them to post me one and spray it with their aftershave and im looking for an evan bear. He has a back pack on and he treks far and wide.

Im in sick bay. My tummy is torn and i feel ill. Im going to sit my bears all around me and play with them. Jack has been naughty. Olly bear is looking after me. Alex bear is out hanging in a tree and lorenzo bear is snuggled in bed with me. He's looking after my tummy. Harley is out for a play with his friend cat for its friday and im not usually in the bay. I live in the place summer bay of home and away was based on.

I went through this time about 3yrs ago when every phone call id get at work would mistake my name for Jenny. I was just wondering whether it was a long running (say 1or 2 mths) practical joke or if it was a temp speech impediment i had. It would always be from salespeople.

I keep wiping my face like their are tears there but there arent. My soul is crying. Only when i look at my mum i cry on the surface.

Ill sleep in the arms of my angel. And heal. Heal me my love. My twin soul.