POEM

 

TIMELESS FACE OF SHANE

Last night I held you in my arms.

You had a timeless face.

A woman with amazing beauty.

Without the heart of grace.

I know its time to set you free.

I’ve held you for so long.

You were the man I loved on earth.

But now my heart is strong.

I see the suffering in your timeless face.

I don’t want to see this anymore.

I lay you in the ocean tonight, I send you to this shore.

 

Then when I wake, my tears remain.

I’ll hear the song that sounds like us.

And say Goodbye my old love, Shane.

 

WHY I WROTE THE ABOVE POEM

Last night I had dream that I was holding the person I once loved so much. The man I was meant to marry, but who I left because I thought we needed to be part in order for our marriage to work in the future. I loved him so much and it broke my heart to have to leave him. He’s somebody who apparently I have been with in every life time thus far.

 

The dream – I was holding him in my arms. But he had the face of a beautiful woman. It was a timeless face. She looked like she was suffering. Like she was dying or ill. She had her eyes closed.

 

It was like I was holding him at the ocean. I remember feeling that it was time to let him go (it felt like my ex fiancé rather than a woman). It was like I was releasing my hold to let him go into the ocean.. I felt strong enough to do it and felt like I had to say to him – you have to go – maybe like he didn’t want to.

 

When I woke up, I was crying and it was really upsetting. I’m still crying thinking about it. I felt like he had just died. Or like I had released him from my heart.

 

I started thinking of a song which reminded me of our love – goes something like

‘I was 5 and you were 6. We rode on horses made of sticks. You wore black and I wore white. You would always win the fight. Bang Bang, he shot me down. Bang Bang, that awful sound. Bang Bang, you shot me down, bang bang, my baby let me down.”

  

If I was a man I would see the earth through the heart of life.

As I am a woman I see this earth through the heart of Elijah.

And I really hate it sometimes.

Having to persist with men who know nothing and who haven’t the heart to even pay attention to the son in heaven.

Who was shown to him (the chosen one who hates me - I'll call him W) once and who will be seeing him before the sun goes down.

And who has been delivered to him via a core angel who makes herself known as a kid who doesn’t say anything.

Well, today I fought the shy me who wont say anything. And told W he is an arse hole who writes nothing, who pays attention to so much, yet cant say ‘hey do you want to come talk to me about what it is you need to talk about, so you can let me be and let your heart in this soul go?’

or even just a thankyou from him for the day when I was a tinytot and he were too. I  made him feel o.k when the other kids laughed. I tied his shoelace too for the first time. .. it would kind of be a little bit interesting to most people,  especially  the keepers of letters, which he kept of mine that i gave him that day at tiny tots. He still has it at 30 years of age!

 Besides all the little amazing type earth stuff from the past .. including 6 other chance meeting throughout our lives that neither of us really remembered until a bright spark worked out around a year ago....

He’s a miserable misor, who makes me wonder and I hate him in this earth like way. Beethoven type attitude i'd say.

He’s a good kid(of 30 or round there), but he’s too soft on people who make him feel crap and too good for people who make him feel good.Iknow this cos I just have this soul that keeps being invaded by his.. yeah crazy but about as true as the fact that this is my web page.. you never do really know for sure do you. Anyway...

Me, I’m the sort who just gets the best of every arse hole that likes to pay attention to me for the pleasant reason of one thing – that I have goods to offer because I have a sharing nature, or because of the fact that they may get sex out of me… Well too bad buddyboy  who  thinks its my  agenda because I told him as an angel would – I love you so much that it hurts. It does hurt, because he has an important part of my light that is essential to the girth of the world. Major mission to complete such a simple task. Ever heard of 'helping somebody' or even better changing the world for  the better! ....dont care.. too concerned with reality  I guess. Whatever  the book of answers says that is. I guess the bible is reality in  its earliest sense. Or maybe its not. Who knows what is real. Maybe angels would see all the worlds been and gone and have a better grasp on it. Pity they don't live on Earth........my feet are on the ground but who knows where my head and heart are at any one moment. Angels like to be in several  places at once.. so we dont lose touch! a vital piece.

Back to the big boof head who is too good for me to spare a minute to better the world of light...I break up with him every day, and he doesn’t ever say anything. cos he doesn't know about his heartfelt ramblings - like this one - that I get when I'm awake and he's asleep. Swear he's a shift worker. He just has nothing to do with me normally and says this is the reason why he doesn’t need to reply to my "hey, you know that thing re - weird stuff- do you know anything yet? and maybe would like to sit with me for maybe an hour. No, ah great, now i'm the lunatic stalker again! o.k. you continue on as you are, and i'll bear the consequences of my bizarre simple request for a chat.

 

Well miracle man, for god sake, maybe you need to have something to do with me. i've had my miracle, you havent. You may want to collect it before you go past go. You are a looker, a loser, a loveletter liker and a late light for me! so go and

 Grow up, and don’t hit the roof… he’s six 4 as it is.

 

Lucky I can laugh at this – if only he knew the importance of it.

 

The George concert is a big concern of his at the moment.. i'll take you if you like and get you a ticket. White clothed girl at the gate was me - chance sighting number 4 I think.

 

so, now I’ll put this on the world web,  for people to say - what the hell is she one or she is crazy. Oh well he doesn’t like to take anything of mine in including piles of angelic poetry about the light he's in. Therefore, as I like to share,  the rest of the world can have it instead. Least I dont tell them you're gay! just kiddin. he's not really. may make him mad enough to talk to me to tell me off. Its a start. Yeah, I love this heart of Elijah- perserverance and determination to get the job done.

 

Delivery to he…-- a kid that has been caught in the light since the day you liked me… you did it… you made this one.. not me. You can take the poor little thing for a while.  He’s too clever for my soul.. I'm a lady of love - he's a budding  scientist- and youre not too bad in that area I'd imagine - considering the kid kind of resembled a rat for  a mment today when i saw him. You can give him back later if you love me.. ha... sentenced for life.  

 

oh, and thats a catch 22 - the best one in history.

  

Everything I do is for you

And only I can see this

i do it to help me as I can only be this

person with no shame

play with your own head if thats your game

 

I wish that the hearts

Who beat me down

And take my height

and belittle my frown

Who take my passion

And think they have a right..

to the few things not reaped already from my light..

Like the feelings that sometimes are just mine.

Would just let me be who I am

And stop blaming me for what I don’t even see

Keep it real

Let me be

The good hearted happy person I like in me

Think and stop before you hurt me again

The trust you regain

Goes back to the end

I'm your goddam friend.

 

From the angel in my heart.

She’s had enough of trying to show the right way

By foregoing her own deserving pay.

and losing the ambition to have her day.

Yeah, have a nice one.

Add it to the rest.

its done.

 

realise what I'm saying?.

maybe one day you will

wake up

and i'll be happy.

As it is all for you.

 

the rest is just me

 

I creeped out of my cave last night and did the Perth Sunday sesh. 

Today I feel really crap.

hmmmm. I also woke up with the giggles ..cant explain that.. just kept thinking of funny things.

ummm. and I'm feeling very uncreative today.

Just thought I'd share that.

 

Adding to the additional useless information:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

walked in to a cd store today and bought the first one I saw. my time was limited

 

I'd never heard of him.

it looked interesting

The cover had a picture of an old chair I had that i loved and that got taken from me.

The background pattern is the wallpaper at my parents.

And the guy on the cover looks like a person that really believed in

Anyway, I like it.

It has an air of familiar innocence.

 

Where are all the people like Lior?

Dying species.

Perhaps we need to form breeding grounds for the special ones?

A new world zoo? where only the 'special' are allowed entry.

And who are free to go back into the wild if they desire.

Imagine the music that would come out of the place.

Love Fest.

 

just a note:

my head is similar to the guy who sings in Lior, so if I seem like I'm copying his thoughts, I'm not.

 just alike thinking... eg. song on now is about finding inspiration... see below..

 

 

 

 

I am so in need of inspiration

And its something I cannot give to myself

I have everything I need except the energy to weave my golden light

The gift i was given by god

My last leaf fell, I fell.. and I am dead.

My heart is mostly bloated.

Life comes to me through the love I receive.

But life has finished. The leaves are all gone.

I’m just a bone.

The smallest thing can give me life.

..I felt the beauty of a person today and it gave me life.

It made me believe for a second before the next blow.

Inspire me to live.

Inject me with love.

Give me inspiration.

  

I had a dream that I was supergirl last night, standing on the top of a planet in space. It was so funny. There were spaceships crashing into planets and all sorts of sci fi stuff that I have never really been a fan of. I was with a couple of other guys who were supeheroes also.

 At the end, I remember standing as a supergirl would stand, looking at a couple – blonde headed beautiful geeky looking guy and girl - who sang this stupid superhero song that had the best tune and I cant remember it now. But I woke up and wrote the words down –

 

They went

“Lets not go and be changing the realms, I know what moves me on earth is for real”

 

I’d draw a picture of the scene I had in my head as I remember it clearly, but I can’t upload pics on this computer. I remember I didn't really agree with what they were  singing, I think I liked the world I was in at that time. 

 

(~*~)

 

 

Been thinking about the process of natural selection and how it could start working in the other direction – my thought is if people with the best genes opt not to marry and reproduce due to the fact that they are searching for the perfect person, then the best genes just go to waste.

 

does anybody get it? scientist people? do I make sense 

This is my new painting. I almost gave up on it and threw it to the side as an abstract piece. Then on my birthday morning, I spent 2 hours and finished it - painting over top of the abstract to produce a completely new piece. I'm kind of proud of this one. It was a present for my friend. I've called it Isis. Not sure if it relates. But felt like she should be named this.

 

O.k i just looked up Isis and ...Isis is a goddess in Egyptian mythology. She was most prominent mythologically as the wife and sister of Osiris and mother of Horus, and was worshipped as the archetypal wife and mother. Her name literally means "(female) of throne", that is, "Queen of the throne", which was portrayed by the emblem worn on her head, that of a throne.

I guess this has a connection to the day I painted it - 22 july - the celebration of Mary - femininity.

 

Everything is linked in this world before us - we just need to open our eyes and witness it.