i was meant to go to Euro bar tonight - i just found out its a gay and lesbian bar (could have fooled me) with two really nice guys that I like and who treat me really well. But, i'm not going. Mainly because I got ripped off, taken advantage of, and made to feel bad by a loser on Wednesday night. I'm still getting over the shock of how horrible he could be and also over the money that I spent that night because of him and on him (i wont even say how much it was because its too much). I didn't do anything wrong. He sent me a message today which read - 'I pity you'. He pity's me because he thinks that I am living such a lower standard of life because I dont slut myself to every guy that doesnt even attract me like him. He can rudely get f@kd. I cant stand people like him who are totally in the wrong yet continue to badger me and try to convince themselves by hurting me even more than what they have already done. They have only one way of thinking and cant see beyond it. He thinks with his dick! and thats it. apologies for my language throughout this. I cant even be bothered going out tonight due to the risk o having to encounter that same problem that exists. Its safer to stay home on my own. its sad hey?

i fell in love for the first time today...

that would make such a beautiful song :)

so here I am, sitting on the couch on a Saturday morning watching rage (its actually fox video clips today - dont have normal tv) drinking champagne on ice (there is no fridge in the house I housesit so I all I have is champagne and a block of ice). Its a hard life.

i woke up late and missed the car show I was meant to go to. But sometimes its nice just to do whatever and do the things we arent suppose to do.. like drink champagne in the morning.

ANZAC
Thankyou

We have to do some things in our life which we hate
We hate having to do them because they are hard
And its hard when you havent done anything real wrong
But still have to put up with it.
And when you have to do it with a fear factor
of what could happen
while frought with hurt and shock and heartache of what has happened,
you really have one thing left to be good with.
That is your mind.
It amazes me that the men and women who made it, made it with a mind that could handle the life after war.
For the ones who made it through...
May there be peace in your mind and your heart.
And for the ones who lost their life...
may you rest in peace.
AMEN

i'm going to do some light talk today...

I think we are moving more towards the ability to mentally communicate with one another. Ability to communicate without the being in front of one another and without needing to use communication devices like phones. I've been able to do it for quite some time now and i managed to confuse myself enough to think that I was nuts or creating it myself and putting it in my head when it wasnt really happening. But, there is small amount of evidence now to suggest that I was right in the first place - that I am able to use the light to basically communicate with men and women on earth, not just those who have passed away - which generally I have no idea of how to do. I dont usually talk to spirits, I only talk with angels - either on earth or in heaven. The earth people are either in my light (not many) or are some how connected to my light which allows a window to open from one realm into another and allows communication. The realm I'm in is white  but it can be yellow or it can be pink and it can also be a light blue, even purple and maybe even green. The angel of light in the middle is the golden light angel. My soul is in the angel of light and I am able to window each of the other realms as a result of being in the centre piece. When i'm in the light - that is my soul and my earth light is in the angel of light - I get good at light communication - ie, mental telepathy.

I usually call myself ' a little bit crazy at the moment' when im in the light. I'm actually just really angelic though and very distracted.

last night i had a few thinkers in the house, ie. i had my light hearing aid on and my invisible light phone and got called up by a couple of earth people who were thinking of me! I've proved one person was trying to send me good thoughts as I had a bad day yesterday. He came through thick and strong. The other 3 are yet to be proven and I wont ever ask them if they did think of me last night as I dont need to. Sometimes they may not even know and it may be that they are asleep.

thought that i'd just share some of my thoughts to do with light - I dont talk about it very much as most peoople dont get it and think i'm nuts.

anyway...

A message that has been given to me today from the light is
I will face a light wall tomorrow night
A light wall will be placed in front of me.
I guess it means that I dont get to go to all the other realms. I must have to stay in one.

I'm hoping that this wall is there for a good purpose and makes me feel good in the short term as I"m pretty much in need of just a laugh and a good happy time over this weekend as money and other earth realm issues have been getting on top of me and worrying me which makes me get sick and I cant get sick again.

like....

geeeez, sorry you ass  hole!

my artwork progressed a little further.
this is the next stage. it will probably change back to black for all i know. i usually do about 4 colour changes before I settle. its been white twice before now.

sometimes I get so excited that I cant sit still.
and I start doing hand stands.
i have a method for long handstands...
its about centering yourself so that your line of gravity is in the middle and you centre yourself with your mind first as it makes your body do the same.

help me.
I feel fat.
they say Im not but I feel like I am.
its the medication that I refuse to take.
when I take it I get fat,
and feel like crap.
I cant concentrate at all, and feel like I have sleep apnoeia.
I thought I'd use the weekend to take it so I avoid being at work.
So what again is it suppose to be doing for me.
I ask. It makes me sleep.
 it make me feel like i'm running on one cylinder.
i told the doctor. He doesn't listen.
i'm not taking it anymore. thats it
i will just lie and say i am.
mental as anything,
thats me.
help.

im getting fat and I dont like it.
say whatever you like... you are not , you are so silly etc etc
but fact of the matter is... my clothes are tighter.
so there.

i had my first sick day today. bit of a disappointment but seems like i have a bit of a cold. Probably from walking in a little dress out of a vineyard last week at the wedding! I am determined not to have sick days in my new job. so this will be my last or a while... rain hale or shine.
Before I got really sick in November I was having lots of sick days and then I just took over 3 months off.  I have a goal to go treking next year in Nepal, and I will despite my debts from being sick. I feel guilty for having a day off.