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    February 28

    I met the veronicas

    I got to meet the veronicas! At coco's. Dinner. They sat next to us. I said to them 'you guys are so fuckin cool'. And i laughed. They laughed and said thankyou.

    this is what they look like at the moment. Blonde and Dark. So pretty.

    February 27

    Veronicas

    Im at dinner and my table is next to the Veronicas. Get any cooler? Na

    i took a photo with my phone on the sly. it needs to be rotated. but you can see both of them. They were with a couple of guys. young guys.

     

    Mary Love

    i love this pic. I'm going to paint it.
    this long weekend.
    I wish I could go down south and get away to paint it.
    but thats one of the downsides of not having a boyfriend to go with.
    I could go on my own, but its not the same.
     
    I found some other pics that interest me at the point I'm at.
     
     

    Andy lee's Hair

    this is what I did yesterday as a joke about Andy Lee's hair.
     
    I found his hair so funny that i couldnt stop laughing for two days.
    i had to stop myself from laughing on the train ride home.
    Then i got off the train, walked away from everybody and burst out laughing
    like this... pffffffffffffffffffftaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    the trials

    I am very unfocused today. I cant concentrate. I slept all last night. Which was good. I look not tired today. And I look normal. However, when I'm normal I am crazy.
    Im like a big kid who keeps doing things she's not meant to. I forgot to take my ADD medication :) oh gosh.
    I gotta go to dinner tonight on a double date at an expensive restaurant. Usually I'm shy and quiet. I bet tonight I get in trouble cos I wont be shy.

    trouble in paradise

    Im going to be in so much trouble.
    i just managed to break the firewall and get into my blog at work.
    :) i'm on my lunch break! Im allowed arent I.
    giggles
    February 26

    if I told you how i really feel then this is it... but I wont because its too depressing and you will turn away if you knew and see me as not being able to cope. Well, I do cope regardless of whats going on inside.

    I wish I could just walk off this earth and never return.
    I base my whole existence around the meaning of the universe.
    And why we need to save this earth. But really,
    I dont give a fuck if I never see it again.
    I dont need to be here anymore.  I dont know why I am.
    If I could just wake up and be in a brand new life, then I'd be alright.
    But that aint going to happen.
    I dont want my life anymore.
    I cry on the inside. I dont cry on the outside.
    i give everything and I receive the one thing I dont need... more hurt.
    Even when I've done nothing wrong, I am still not doing the right thing.
    Im not succeeding in my life on earth. I am failing.
    I am doing good in a world of light, but not on earth.
    I am trying to give myself a new life, and I cant.
    Money makes me worry so much that I just give up. I cant beat the money problem and I cant face it.
    My life is just an impossible mission.
    And I am over it.
     
    .... so what do I do now. Do I give up?
    no, I wont. Ill just keep struggling and never get anywhere.
    And wait til the day where I have nothing to worry about.
     
    I'll lose my light, lose my love, lose my life and lose my soul.
    And I did. And I have. And I dont need to be here anymore.
    I need a new life. A new start.
    I need to die and come back.
     
    and as disturbing as it sounds, this is how i am right now.
    How I really manage my life is to cry on the inside.
    and block the rest of it for if I dont Ill break.
     
    when you break, you break hard. And you dont ever really recover.
    I am broken.
    Let me go to light.
     
     
    A SONG I WROTE CALLED
    WILL YOU WALK WITH ME
     
    will you walk with me.
    For I am walking one last time.
     
    walk with me. walk with me.
    let me see why i'm here.
     
    will you let me say something.
    something you dont want to hear.
    walking away from you, is something that is near.
     
    will you walk with me.
    walk with me my son.
    Marry me in my mind, for my time has come.
     
    Let me see you as a world and I'll let you walk inside.
    walk with me and wake me up.
    when I have died.
    will you walk with me.
    for one last time.
     
     

    Queen of Wands

    Every time I have ever had my tarot done, I get this card. Its the card that represents me. I draw it without fail every time. It actually is a very accurate description of me.
     
    Queen of Wands

    Description

    The Queen of Wands represents the aspects of fire that are most important to us. She is warmth, sensitivity, gentleness and faithfulness as well as strength and determination. The Queen sits upon a throne with arm rests in the appearance of lions, a symbol of fire and strength. In her left hand and behind her are sunflowers, symbolising life, fertility, joy and satisfaction. In her right hand is a wand which is beginning to burst forth with life. In these positive aspects, the Queen of Wands represents fidelity, warmth, and sustenance. However, at her feet is a black cat, a symbol of the darker side of this card.

    Meanings

    The Queen of Wands expresses a creative energy. In decks where wands are fire, she has a fiery, passionate personality with a quick temper. Her style of mothering is to 'flash' her temper, yell, then get over it and hug -- all within one hour! She's self-confident and happy.

    Inspiration. You need to feel inspired. Be a charismatic, self-assured person who knows how things must be done. Behave like royalty. Parties and other gatherings will benefit you. Find a creative project that fully occupies you. Inspire others.

    The personality of the Queen of Wands combines the positive fire energy of the Wands suit with the inward focus of a Queen. Here's what she is like: The Queen of Wands is the one voted most popular in her class. She is always attractive and often good-looking in the classical sense. Her warm smile and easy-going manner bring her lots of friends and admirers. Her energy is contagious, and her enthusiasm, total. No matter what the task, she tackles it with whole-hearted dedication and commitment. Nothing gets her down. She is always up-beat and cheerful - ready to look for the positive in the situation. Her life is full and busy, and she prefers it that way. She loves to be going and doing. She keeps up this pace because she is radiantly healthy and fit. She is often a good athlete, being naturally strong and coordinated.

    Although she's never arrogant, the Queen of Wands has a deep faith in her own abilities. Her quiet self-assurance comes from the knowledge that she can accomplish whatever she sets her mind to.

    With Queens, the emphasis is on your inner state. The Queen of Wands is not a real, many-sided person, but she does express an ideal of a certain type. In readings, she asks you to think and feel as she does. For example: Do you feel attractive? Do you believe in yourself? Are you full of energy? Can you shake off the blues? Are you gung-ho about life? This Queen can also represent a man or woman who is like her, or an atmosphere of cheerful and confident enthusiasm. In a reading, she tells you that her special energy has meaning for you at this time. Let yourself be inspired by this Queen in whatever form she appears in your life.

    Physical description - yellow, red hair, blue eyed woman. She runs a business or holds a responsible position. Personality traits - intelligent, dignified, prosperous woman, self-confidence, love of happiness. Offers help that you can trust. She offers inspiration. Fiery temperament. Lively, active, warm natured. Practical organiser of others. A lover of nature.

    The Queen of Wands denotes sympathy and understanding to your situation. She is charming in her demeanour and practical in her approach of solving problems. She is a loving figure and worthy of her position.

    You have recently met (or will meet) someone you could have a relationship with and are wondering if you should, or if you will. True guidance proves itself, in that it brings with it the action, or ability to carry it out. If you are in a quandary, remember that decisions usually make themselves when the time comes.

    February 25

    fluke or ? mind reading

    I have this friend. He's spiritual. I sometimes hear his thoughts.
    Last night, he did my tarot and we played some mind and chance games.
    First of all he flipped a coin about 10 times and I got it right every time.
    Then we played 'think of a number between one and 10, and the other has to guess it.' We both guessed the number right for each other.
    Then I said to him, o.k  now think of a number between 1 and 100. I said, 97, he said... 'how the fuck do you do this?' I laughed.
    Fluke or ?.
     
     
    February 22

    Curing cold sore herpes virus

    My friend gets cold sores. She went for a blood test last week. She no longer has the virus. Wonder how that happened. Does this mean there is a cure? Or are blood tests inaccurate? Ive got the virus. But ive never had a cold sore in my life.

    Curing cold sore herpes virus

    My friends get cold sores. She went for a blood test last week. She no longer has the virus. Wonder how that happened.

    Where is Star

    Ive been trying to catch up on sleep today, and evertime I go to sleep, I dream of this place I need to get to. There is a horse there called Star. I need to find Star. She is sick and needs me. I dont know how to get there though. I have a friend who knows how to get there, but I dont know how to contact him.

    Why do bingo players look tired?

    I woke up at my friends house. Its midday. Im so tired. Ive been lacking in sleep all week. Ive looked terrible, like a bingo player would :). Im not a bingo player. My boss is going to fire my ass if i dont pull my fishnet socks up soon. Giggles.
    February 21

    David of light

    I saw david helfcott tonight. I was so upset. I fell asleep during Racmaminoff. I waited for it. But i knew it was the important one. Thats why i fell asleep. I could still hear it though. I was just in trance. The bumblee bee woke me up. :)

    tattoo

    I had a dream last night that I was going to get a tattoo. It was a line of small roses that ran down the right side of me. started from just under my arm and went down to my hip. It looked sexy in the dream. I dont know if I would do it though. my friend wants one. She wants me to get on with her. I think i may just get a tiny heart or a tiny rose or a cross on the palm of my hand,

    i have a theory about Rove McManus

    ROVE IS GOD'S BACK UP PLAN
     
    I wont tell you why. But it has something to do with his saying 'be good to your mother'.
    February 20

    david helfcott tomorrow. Yay! its so golden.

    oh my god. I;m going to see David Helfcott tomorrow.
    Its going to be so special.
    i know it is.
    There is golden light in my soul.
    I dont want to go alone, but I may have no other choice.
    The place is going to sparkle with dust of the angels. it will glow light gold like the corner of his piano.
    And the world will love him. And the purple on the keyboard will be there for this is our standard.
    I'm so excited. I'm going to have to go alone though for I dont know anybody who loves piano like I do.
    I wish I did. For I miss out on all the things i love and do all the things i dont have any interest in when i'm around others.
     
    February 18

    Head healing

    Today at work. I stopped suddenly as i was guided by the light to do a healing on my head. I felt like i pulled something out of it. It hurt. It was freaky so i stopped and just put my hand on my head. Tonight, itr getting really sore in the same spot. I wonder sometimes what on earth happens with me. Its not where the boot closed on my head last night. Thats underneath opposite side.